we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
