I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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