and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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