the day after is always just damage control
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Still dying that you shit outside
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
