me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
