you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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