he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize