Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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