Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
