I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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