I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
