he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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