One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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