White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
