Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
