i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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