It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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