Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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