How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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