Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
