how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
