before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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