Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
