meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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