so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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