but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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