Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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