No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
