last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize