Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
