Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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