Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
