If that was your dad, he is hot
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
