She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
