Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
