my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
