i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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