A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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