so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
