My balls are so social today.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
