i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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