if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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