i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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