Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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