when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
