Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
