just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
