I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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