Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
