I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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