I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Randomize