she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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