Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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