using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
