You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
