My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
