who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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