I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
