Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
