I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
